kawaii sinn official

Celebration time! i got some amazing news the other day last week my doctor changed my illness evaluation i am no longer labeled as a schizophrenic i am labeled as having ptsd  so what does this mean for the future it means im gonna be able to get better some day YAY!!!!! ever since i found out i have been non stop smiling im over the top happy now i have so much more waiting for me in life being able to work in 2 to 3 years being able to be a happier person being able to follow my dreams of modeling and being an artist and being an even better youtuber and version of myself! my goals for recovery #1 become my own rep for disability #2  with 2 years of therapy ill be moving on  #3 learn to distance myself form my triggers #4 learn how to not think about the past and think more on the present  #5 STAY POSITIVE NO MORE NEGETIVITY check out my latest video on the subject ! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=enzLYMdlutw&t=25s

what happened last year around my birthday my birthday is on February 7th so much things have one on  since my last birthday the day after my birthday i confessed my feelings to my fiance he was just a friend at the time on the 24th we made it official and started dating it was the time of my life things where still bad at my dads but this gave me the strength to push through i was also still in high school so being in high school at age 21 was really stressful but i wasent as depressed now that i had him to talk to i was living in PA at the time and he was in SC thats 6 hours away my dream was to be with him in person that dream came true in may my dreams and hopes this year now that ive gotten everything i have ever wanted this year isent as far fetched now that that big dream has come true we are even living together and getting married so my dream become more than i could ever imagine  this year im hoping to have a great birthday with him and share our love through this

why normal hair dont suit me my opinions so recently middle of January ive started dying my hair bright colors  this was always a dream of mine to do cause ive never been in the norm ive always been the odd ball in every group im finally out of my family's  house so i went through with it and i was right i feel so much more comfortable with myself it boosted my self confidence to be the way i wanted for once so heres why i cant see myself with normal hair ever again #1 im moving on from my old life and my painful past it represents me becoming a new better me #2 it looks great on me way more than my natural hair color did #3 it fits with my alternative fashion way more than normal hair does come watch me dying my hair on my YouTube theirs 2 videos now heres the most recent ! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eWA6O6HWi3g

my struggles of having to be on  disability i talk about my disability a lot on my channel but i never seem to get the courage to speak out about how much a struggle it is being on disability and not being aloud to be in control of it  a in November i lost my fiances mother as my rep over a family issue with me they did not want a schizophrenic to marry their son and throw me under the bus left me with out anyone to control my money it was a real struggle and anxiety ridden moment it lasted for a couple weeks i was so scared then his aunt offered to help me but only if i met her standards i had no choice so once again my life is being controlled i dont get to wear what i want or dye my hair well io dyed my hair behind her back she flipped out exactly like a parent would saying thats not the way a lady looks excuse me if i want to be different cause i am different thankfully she let it slide but who knows what will set her off to where she quits to  heres what the number 1 st

                                  video plan for 100 subbies im almost to 100 subscribers on my youtube ahhh this is so exciting ive only been on my youtube channel since november im so proud of myself for growing this channel all the hard work is paying off so getting to my 100 sub plan i want to do a song cover again to celebrate but this one will be shot like a music video i want it to look as cool as possible for my viewers to enjoy im gona plan to do the song rainbow by sia from the my little pony movie i love to sing but dont get to often i thought shooting  a cool music video would really show my viewers how much i love them! heres my first cover i did if you want to go check that out   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=owBZ6doReOE&t=4s

reasons i like pastel goth fashion i used to be into dark mocab goth fashion but i was really depressed black every where really made my moods worse then i got out of depression and discovered pastel goth fashion it had that touch of color i needed in my life with a hint of kawaii which ive always enjoyed being cute and looking like an anime girl pastel goth fashion alows me to do that while still enjoying the alternative scene i feel way more comfortable in my skin wearing pastel goth cloths and makeup since i started days have been alot brighter   

My plans for youtube  here are my plans for youtube jsut been brain storming some ideas i want to do tell me what you think !. art time lapse  2. itta bag dye 3. customizing my vanity mirror 4. kawaii fawn makeup 5.dark fawn makeup        these 2 are supposed to follow each other 6. creppy cute makeup 7. vlogging a normal day with me around where i live  8.hair transformation vlog 9. story time why dont i cosplay at conventions anymore 10.story time the time i was introduced to anime  11. pinki pie makeup 12. darky pie makeup   anouther double feature 13. a trip to hobby lobby vlog  these are my ideas for now 

where i get my cloths  i just did a video of all my alternative cloths so thought this be a great blog post  i usually go on thrift store hunts for things i can fix up to fit my alternative needs as a person on disability the cheaper option is always better for me if i get lucky enough to be able to go to a store i of course shop at hot topic sometimes i do go to ross to try to find things but usually have no luck where do i get my inspiration i get my inspiration from people i see on youtube like dre roynane i love her outfits  alot of the time i also search on pinterest to fill my needs of ideas i like to model so i try to fit my astestic as best as i can cause it makes me happy to look the way i do  check out my lastest video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LQGn3kfuy74&t=321s

when did i start being alternative   i was in middle school when i started lissoning to the alternative music i was into green day ,and fallout boy i kept it hidin my family wasent very supportive of who i was and only let me watch disney channel which i got tired of very fast i wasent able to go full out alternative till i was a senior in high school for a while i was trying to figure out what i was was i emo or goth not till recetly did i fully discover myself sometimes in life you really have to soul search alot get to know yourself recently i been dressing pastel goth and emo and mixing them together m finally happy with myself and who ive become in october i was full out macob goth to symbolize how i felt i felt so dead inside but once i got through it i decided to add some pastel colors to the mix i fell in love with the pastel goth fashion in a instant 

Today's a sick day yuck this is why i hate winter i know im not the only one that hates it today woke up with a sore throat but i cant seem to stay away from filming and doin the things i love most people would say take it slow my mind set is push through no matter what if i cant be productive i drive myself insane thats just how ive always been guess sitting around all day just makes me want to scream which i cant cause my throat hurts like hell hoping i can get rid of this stupid throat bug by tuesday so i can sound like my normal self i dont know about yall but i want people to see me doing well and not worry about me thats another reason i chose to keep making content and showing yall im doin ok i dont think ill be outside for most of the winter unless theirs something i have to do doctors etc say hello to being home stuck the only good thing about winter is MY BIRTHDAY  !!!!! ill be turning 22 hoping im not sick then or that be hell i think ill work on some art the rest o

What my blog is all about  for the past couple of days i been thinking about opening a blog to write more in depth about my life and my videos that i enjoy so much making for my youtube channel my life is in a very good place now to where i can finally not be so negative and be a positive role model for those who follow me in my blog i want to write about life experiences my daily life the past and what i hope for the future  i also would like to make creative post about my modeling pictures and the inspiration behind them i never thought id be in such a great place in life but with the help of youtube and alot of people in my life like my fiance ive become who ive always hoped to be  Hope yall are excited to follow me in my adventures my dream for youtube is to become a strong role model for the mentally ill i want to teach people that even when living with a disability you can follow your dreams i hope that this blog can also help with that dream someday i hope to re